Sunday, September 20, 2009

A visit to the dentist......

Wow, has it really been 3 months? Time flies when your not writing blog entries evidently but hope is at hand, heres a new one about my trip to the dentist today.

This normally isn't a big issue for me- I go every year for a check and its always been quite painless financially, physically and mentally. Not today. For starters I had a call at 9am to remind me that I had an appointment at 2am. A reminder call is an excellent idea, especially given the next appointment is normanlly made straight after the examination and that its made a year advance. The problem was, my working hours had shifted slightly from last year meaning I no longer have Mondays free. Could I re-schedule? Sure, if I was willing to wait another 6 months.......

Anyhow, I duly turned up at the appointed time, at which point the receptionist told me I was meeting with the Hygenist (Glorified tooth brusher) as opposed to my regular Dentist. Hmmm.

One thing that does tend to bug me about visits to these places is the constant torrent of chit-chat and small talk that eminates from those doing the work and perhaps more problematically, the questions. This particular GTB (Glorified Tooth Brusher) had this done to a fine art and proceeded to launch a barrage of lifes questions at me the moment the mirror and scraper\poker was inserted into my gob-
"Where do you work?"
"Erugh urk or a wailay useum"
"Wow, that must be fascinating, my sisters brothers cousin blah blah blah etc carrot yap yap inserted etc you think?"
"Ugh huh"

After several minutes of scrapping and poking around (Any areas I said felt slightly sensative got a extra through going over just for the effect of seeing me flinch I suspect) the mirror and instrument were withdrawn-
"It all looks very good in there, you've been doing a excellent job flossing and brushing. I'm just going to do a little detail cleaning now. This device uses a combination of high pressure water and a brushing action to clean those hard to reach spots. As I work by myself (Can't imagine why this would be) I need you to hold the suction tube in your mouth for me"
I thought things were turning out pretty well at this stage- I'd effectively been told my visit wasn't really neccesary but the wax in my ears had been comprehensivly loosened, I'd invented an entirely new language and now I had the opportunity to add "Dental Hygene Assistant" to my resume.
Still, could be worse and with that attitude I closed my eyes and thought of something else. Something nice, maybe a Z12 surrunded by several nak......JESUS CHRIST WOMEN, YOU"VE GOT TO CLEAN THE TEETH NOT REMOVE THE GUMS!!!
"Sorry, I lost the light there for a minute at the back"
This ordeal lasted for several minutes before we were rudely interupted by the man himself- Ah, my screams of pain (Not really, just added for dramatic effect) had roused the attention of a professional dentist. Excellent.
Unfortunatly, he was evidently a busy man as his visit lasted precisely 1 minute during which time probed all the spots which had already had the once over and confirmed..."It all looks very good in there, you've been doing a excellent job flossing and brushing........"
He then left me to my fate and the 'detail cleaning' recommenced.
After some more attention in this fashion my GTB (Still chatting away about the meaning of life, whether I thought Hitler did a better job in Norway and Denmark then he did in Russia etc) withdrew and I was allowed to rinse- Oop, no sorry, better have a floss as well, not enough blood on the gums yet ("Its perfectly normal for this to happen"). Following a minute or so vigerous rope work, I was annouced "Hygenic", issued with toothpaste and marched to the front counter. With her standing over my shoulder I somewhat relunctantly paid the $240. I felt like argueing that the figure was ridiculous- I could have scraped, poked, cut my gums and sucked my mouth dry for nothing- especially given I had done some of the work myself but with the Hygenist snapping her gloves menacingly behind me, prudence dictated a hasty retreat.

So, the question is, will I go back there in 12 months time? Quite frankly, yes, although this isn't down to some absurd customer loyalty- I frankly can't be bothered trying to find another dentist to give my money away to.